Craving.

If you know anything about borderline personality disorder, you probably know that a key trait of it lies in impulsive behavior. My particular vice happens to come in the form of shopping. It isn't severe enough that I'm in major debt or anything, hence why I've been diagnosed with "borderline traits" rather than the full-blown disorder, but it's still rough.

This week, I've wanted nothing more than to buy a new pet. I contemplated everything from a bunny or guinea pig to a four year old cat named Thomas Jefferson. I can't get anything now because I'm obvious still in the dorms, but that didn't stop me from scheming. I ended up looking at a cat shelter today as well as a couple pet stores and after a bit of mental anguish I think I got over my craving.

I don't think I really did anything to stop it, except talking to a boy working at one of the pet stores I visited and finding out that they regularly get in lionhead bunnies. I figured then that I could get one after I had moved in to the apartment. Let's hope it was sheer willpower, though.

I've felt rather strange around Ross lately, too. Perhaps it's the whole thing about me admitting that I love him and him not quite ready to reciprocate those words, or maybe it's because I'm relaxing more and not worrying so much about doing or saying stupid things, which therefore causes me to do and say stupid things. I'm not sure what it is. I know what he'd say, though... "Cha." I'll get a big ol' "cha" for this paragraph, I'm sure.

I need to see more friends. I'm going to help Katie and Talia study again tomorrow night and I'll probably ask Alicia if she wants to go see Harry Potter 5 at the student union on Saturday. I hope she'll go with me. I miss Alicia.

I'm moving in to the apartment on November 14th. 37 days. Maybe I should imitate that episode of South Park and freeze myself until the 14th so I don't have to wait.

...or not.

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